Q: Uh, Simon — what is this Eurovision you’re inviting me to watch?
A: It’s a European song competition.
Q: Oh, so it’s like The Voice?
A: Yeah. Kinda. I mean, not really.
Q: Alright. What’s the music like?
A: Here’s how this year’s host would describe it.
Q: Uh, sure. So, who’s competing?
A: Representatives of most European countries. Also, Australia.
Q: Australia?
A: Yeah.
Q: What about the US?
A: Nope.
Q: Canada?
A: Also no. But Celine Dion did win Eurovision in 1988, for Switzerland.
Q: Do I need to pick a country?
A: Yes.
Q: But I’m not European!
A: Well, this is your chance to feel European for a day. How about Estonia with “(Nendest) narkootikumidest ei tea me (küll) midagi“?
Q: That’s a mouthful!
A: Or Finland with “No Rules!“
Q: WTF, Simon. Are all entries this weird?
A: Oh, no. Most are much worse!